i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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