I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
