Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
