Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
