nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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