I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize