Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
