"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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