Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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