M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
