if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
