there's paper in my vomit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
