he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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