Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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