I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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