i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
