His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
