The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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