if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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