On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
