I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
