I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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