on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
