smell my finger.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
