I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
