Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
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I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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