I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
