She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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