My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
