Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
