I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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