who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
