If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
