She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
