I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
