I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
