Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
