i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
