I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
