clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
cat food counts as protein by the way
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
