You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
