All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
