break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
