I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
