maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.