i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.