i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE