I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
