3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.