Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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