ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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