i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
