I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
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After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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