i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
