yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
