There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
