Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
