it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
