just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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