I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
