Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it because I queefed?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
