so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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