So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
