Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
