i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
