everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
