The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
