Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
