Betty ford says i'm here all night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
