Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
