Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
