I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
