that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
