why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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